25 Things.

1. I'm constantly wanting to blog, but can never seem to get it done. When I look at things I've written, I'm quite happy with them, but I can still never seem to get the ball rolling and get myself writing in volume. Maybe caving into this 25 thing will get my juices flowing.

2. A large part of why I'm uncomfortable blogging is because I become aware of everyone that could be reading it. When I write, or even have conversations with people I want to be able to be vulnerable. I want to be able to share myself. When I'm blogging, I have much less control than I'd like, and that makes me nervous. I've already nixed a bunch of things I was thinking of putting down as one of my '25 things' because I've realized there are people on my friends list that I don't want knowing certain things. I don't like thinking that way.

3. I really loved Chicago. At the same time, it made me very uncomfortable. It's very, very segregated. But man, the buildings, the people, the train. After visiting a bunch of big cities, I've gotta say, I enjoy Chicago the most. It really felt like if I looked up, I might see a superhero flying by. It's that kinda town. Much more so than New York, or D.C. (or, sigh... Toronto.)

4. I really hope at some point in my life the little niggling voice in the back of my head calling me a fake will shut the fuck up.

5. That being said, I'm really happy being me. I've got my foibles. I've got my things about myself that I wish were different, that I wish were easier to change... But... I really do enjoy being me. If you told me during high school that I'd say this, I don't think I'd believe you... but I'm very glad I'm me. I have a lot of fun in this body, in this head.

6. I think #4 is the first time I've cursed publicly on Facebook. Maybe even the internet at large. Feels kind of liberating.

7. #6 was originally something different that I've deleted.

8. I want to be a vegetarian, but I enjoy meat way too much, and I don't enjoy eating most vegetables. I really ought to just buck up and do it. I'm sure over time I'd come to appreciate vegetables more.

9. I wish I knew my grandfather. He died before I was born. When my dad was my age, his dad was dead. I learned a lot about my grandpa in the past week, reading letters and editorials he wrote. If I ever start actually blogging, I've got an entry about him rolling around in my head, waiting to come out.

10. I hated being supervisor at Centreville. Absolutely hated it. I learned a lot. I learned SO much, so I can't say I wish I'd never done it. But man... some people are just not meant for management. I'm not. There's other ways I can contribute to society. Earlier today I talked to Jeff, gave my official 'I ain't coming back' notice. It felt very, very good. Best of luck to whoever takes over.

11. I'm very good at meeting people I want to meet. Especially writers. I love going into the science-fiction/fantasy section of a bookstore with someone and just pointing out the various writers I've met, or at least had e-mail contact with. "I met that one, and I've e-mailed back and forth with that one, and I had an hour long coffee with that guy, and I got that one to send a personal happy birthday message to my girlfriend at the time, and that one came to my workplace, and I gave them a tour." Frikkin awesome.

12. I still have Geoff Sadlier's Halo soundtrack and Warcraft Three. I really, really, really need to get those back to him.

13. I miss being in college. That's not quite right... I miss the connections I made while in college. I still occasionally try and think up life paths that'll lead me back there, so that I can spend more than one or two weeks a year out West.

14. If I ever do get married, Finbar's gonna be the best man.

15. Sometimes there's nothing more in the world that I want to do than kiss someone. Or just hold someone's hand. Or cuddle. It's been a while. And I don't feel lonely or desperate or anything. At least... not for more than a couple minutes every once in a while, anyway... but it'd be nice to have companionship of the 'not only friends' variety.

16. I have ridden the entire Chicago Rail Transit System. Every line, every stop. It was awesome, and surprisingly therapeutic. I wish Toronto's subway was elevated through downtown.

17. I may or may not delete 15 and replace it with something else before I post this.

18. I wish I wouldn't get upset when my mother shows concern for me.

19. My dad is one of my best friends. I love that I can say that.

20. I want to explore Toronto more than I do... It feels like I know the neighbourhoods of Manhattan more than I do my own city... I haven't been to High Park in years, and years, and years. I could probably count on my hands the number of times I've been to Kensington Market. I hardly ever go West of Bathurst. West of Yonge, I rarely go North unless for business. This needs to change.

21. I watched the Super Bowl on Sunday. I had no idea that watching football could be so much fun! It was an awesome game, and my first time watching a football game from beginning to end. Even though I wanted Arizona to win, I feel more than satisfied with the whole experience. Even without American Super Bowl commercials!

22. I'm not good at preserving friendships when I'm not around. Which really sucks, being the nomadic, constantly moving around guy that I am. But at least when I come back, the friendships have always still been there. So far.

23. I have ridden Vortex at Canada's Wonderland 20 times in a row without getting up out of my seat. It was amazing. I still remember the look of the light of the sunset shining on the mountain, getting a glimpse of the beautiful sunset itself for one brief second as the roller coaster turned the corner at top of the mountain, then plunging down. After that, watching the night get darker and darker while riding again, and again, and again. With the way Wonderland's gotten busier since that summer 7 years ago, I don't know if I'll *ever* be able to do that again. Here's hoping.

24. This one's kind of grim... but as a CPTer, I'm supposed to think about messages to leave for people if I get taken hostage, or killed in the line of peacework. I've somewhat seriously thought about recording a plea to Joss Whedon to be sent to him in the event of my death, asking him to continue Firefly somehow in my memory.

25. I'm about to embark on another three-day Greyhound journey. They can be hit or miss. Sometimes I meet lots of crazy awesome people, (like in my blog entry from over a year ago) sometimes I just sit on the bus and read and sleep for three days. I hope this is one of those crazy-awesome times. I'm in a friend-making mood.